Sunday evening, Monday morning plan

Sunday evening plan

Sunday evenings can be a highly anxious time for all involved in supporting a child experiencing EBSA. This gives a loose outline for a good sequence, it is not a set of rules.

Instead it is a simple reminder of important trigger points - and how to cope with them - and could facilitate a smoother end to a weekend.

Soothe - do some calming activities and make the last things at night soothing: gentle music, a story for younger ones, soft lighting, talking about three good things before bed.

Understand - make sure you let your child know that you do understand their feelings and that you do not negate or dismiss them. You understand how hard it is, but are sure that it will get better in time! Develop your script for this, if appropriate.

Neutralise - record any worries in a worry book and then talk through each one, helping your child to see a solution to situations in which they might be catastrophising. Show them the evidence against any irrational or negative thoughts and thought patterns.

Decide - on a plan of action and go through it step by step, for example: 'This is what we will do tomorrow...' and so on. Work out the schedule and ensure that everything is ready (book, bag, PE kit, etc) and laid out for the morning.  Make the plan visual if needed.

Attend - be very aware of your child's emotional state and give more time if they need it, so that they feel nurtured and safe. Give reassurance and a transitional object for younger children.

Yourself - look after yourself and make sure that you are regulated and feel calm too. Engage in some relaxation and take time out after the bedtime routine to build up your own resources - and remember that it is OK to feel worried, but don't let it overwhelm you!

Monday morning plan

Monday mornings can be highly charged for all involved in supporting a child experiencing EBSA.

This sample plan provides a loose outline to manage the morning's events and, although it is presented in the form of an acronym, it is not a set of rules!

It is a simple reminder of the important trigger points - and how to cope with them - and bearing it in mind could lead to a less stressful start to the new week.

Manage - manage yourself first! This is not selfish. You cannot support a child or young person who is unregulated and stressed if you are too. Take time to sort your own needs and then manage your emotional state by using your usual stress management tools (e.g. grounding, time alone, Mindfulness, etc).

Organise - get everything ready (by getting up earlier) so the bags are in the hallway, the breakfast is set up and your own things for work/whatever you need are organised. This means that you can attend to your child and do so in a regulated manner.

Neutralise - spend some time with your child talking through any worries and again helping them to see a solution to situations in which they may be catastrophising; show them the evidence against any irrational or negative thoughts and thought patterns they may be experiencing.

Decide - 'this is the plan': make it clear to your child that you have a plan to get to school, how you will get there, what music you might listen to in the car/ stories you might tell each other on the bus/ as you walk/ who else might be with you, and so on, so that it becomes clear and they feel prepared for each step.

Accept - accept your child's emotional state and give them reassurance that you love and care for them, so that they feel nurtured and safe. Give reassurance and a transitional object for younger children.  Say things like: 'it's OK to feel anxious, but we all need to manage it and I will help you. I am with you and will stay with you while you need me.'

Yourself - again, look after yourself and make sure that you are regulated and feel calm yourself. Engage in some relaxation and remember it is OK to feel worried, but don't let it overwhelm you. Keep using the script: 'If I stay calm, I will make my child feel safe.'

Reference 'Understanding & Supporting Children and Young People with EBSA' Tina Rae